Fiction

This is the story of a woman who wants to sleep but cannot because her mind won’t stop wandering, and what is outrageous is that this is the third night in a row this week and it is just Wednesday! She means to stay positive and hopes she will get some sleep tonight, so she gets up and drags herself to the kitchen and heats some water and drinks some tension-taming tea and goes back to bed, kind of feels a calming effect but also needs to pee, so she gets up again and tiptoes into the bathroom (she doesn’t want to wake her husband), and while she pees she browses the internet trying to find some remedies, but she is not going to fall for those opioids, haven’t you heard of the crisis?, so she’d rather try something else, and this may take a while so she makes herself more comfortable in the bathroom and reads some news but then gets distracted by an instagram photo of a sunny day in a pool and fantasizes about having a jacuzzi of her own with candles and rose petals and wine, you know as seen on TV, and as wine comes to mind she has a brilliant idea—how about some tequila to go to sleep? So she heads to the living room through the dark hallway, opens the cabinet where she hides the bottles from her husband, and as she pours a shot she thinks, well, I don’t like jacuzzis or pools anyway, but boy, does she enjoy the burn of the tequila traveling down the throat and the flavor up again to the mouth, and maybe one more shot, and she suddenly feels embarrassed and asks herself if she might be drinking a little bit too much lately, and goes back to bed regretting that she’s so into alcohol and so into sugar and fats and bread—why can’t I make more of an effort and eat healthy?, and she should exercise too, people say yoga is miraculous, why didn’t I ever take that class I had signed up for?, but that leads to another brilliant idea—she should try meditation, what could be a better time?, so she puts on the headphones and searches for relaxing music, but when she is about to inhale, a sound coming from the other side of the bed makes her turn around and look at him, so untroubled, so far away, so damn snoring, and that just breaks her with envy and desperation, she takes off the headphones and bursts into (quiet) tears… she feels exhausted and wonders if life is really worth it. Now there she is, lying upside down in bed, imagining hanging herself just to alleviate the burden, that unbearable load of the head, and all the noise that’s coming from inside…

And then she falls asleep.

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